International Terror Alert

I thought my readers might enjoy the read:

On Thu, Aug 29, 2013 at 11:40 AM, stuart teich <RuaxKodesh@aol.com> wrote:

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE 

From JOHN   CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. 
     The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. 
     The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. 
     Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." 
     The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." 
     Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .. 
     The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. 
     Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

 Regards,
John   Cleese ,

British writer, actor and tall person

Well, actually, the Greeks as a group, not as Danaans, Argives, Euboians, Focians, Spartans, Athenians, and From-the-little-bunch-of-trees-over-there-ians, really didn't exist until the Romans came in and told them they were A country, not 70 poli. But otherwise...

And Israel has raised the threat level from "The Arabs want to kill us" to "Our Friends the Americans are asking us to take ONE MORE 'first strike' for 'the team' (meaning the Arabs) without response so they can get the OTHER Arabs to pretend to be part of a 'coalition' when they plaster Syria halfway across Asia Minor and stop just short of their goal of removing the Assad Alawites from power, just like they were brought to heel by the Saudis on the outskirts of Baghdad".  The only level above that is "Two Arab members of Knesset were killed today when Damascus achieved escape velocity. Their families will continue to receive their pay and privileges."

The US has raised our alert status from "Let's flap like chickens" to "Let's endlessly, fruitlessly discuss how this will play on the Arab Street, like there is such a thing" on the way to "But will they love us tomorrow". The highest level, "Oh, frak it, get a competent general and give him six months to get a half million men and everything that will fly ready to go all Mongol Horde on the bastards", has not been seen since Iraq invaded Quwait.